Thursday, May 19, 2022

4 Lessons From How To Win Friends and Influence People

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I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of people rave about How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dave Carnegie, but has it not been enough to know if it’s worth your time?

Keep reading to find out if the book is worth the hype and some of the top lessons I learned.

Is it worth a read?

You will pick up key traits of highly effective communicators and learn how to “get what you want” out of relationships – not in a creepy way!

If you want to improve your relationships and interactions with other people, then the book is definitely worth reading.

You’ll learn how to leave lasting impressions on people you meet. Learning how to improve your daily interactions with people whether at work or at college can be worth a lot.

Forming new habits

To form new skills and habits you learn you have to be patient.

You won’t just pick up the book, read it in a few hours then have mastered people skills, but gradually over time, you will notice your communication skills improve and your relationships become stronger.

You might not remember everything you learn in the book, but with consistent daily practice of the habits you do learn, it will lead to mastery.

Top lessons

Become genuinely interested in other people

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you.”

Mic drop.

If you want others to like you and you want to improve the quality of your relationships, don’t do this:

Acquaintance: I recently got back from Cyprus; it was lovely.

You: I also went to Cyprus a few years ago, I went to see the Sculpture Park, I stayed at an amazing 5* hotel, we visited Kourion and checked out the Blue Lagoon.

Instead do this:

Acquaintance: I recently got back from Cyprus; it was lovely.

You: Oh amazing! Can you tell me more about your trip? What did you get up to?

If the opportunity arises, you can tell them about your visit also, it may develop a small bond between you both, but only if they ask.


The book highlights the importance of self-reflection as a tool to ensure you’re staying on track and consistent with your efforts and that your ability to meet and deal with people continues to grow.

Discussed in the book is a President of a Wall Street bank who every Saturday evening would review his engagement book holding all his appointments, which included all his interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place and he asked himself:

  1. “What mistakes did I make that time?”
  2. “What did I do that was right – and in what way could I have improved my performance?”
  3. “What lessons can I learn from the experience?”

Self-reflection can offer valuable insight when it relates to improving yourself.

Arouse in other people an eager want

The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

A great example is shown in the book; “if for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want, but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash”.

Too often we focus on what we want in hopes it will convince someone else.

For example, anyone who doesn’t know this principle would say to their kids “please don’t smoke, I don’t like it”, but that is meaningless to them.

However, showing them what they could lose which is something they value is how you can get what you want.

You have to ask; how can I make this person WANT to do it?

Final thoughts

The power of becoming genuinely interested in other people, self-reflection and arousing an eager want in other people are just a snippet of the lessons you get from How To Win Friends and Influence People.

There are so many more takeaways, and I would recommend it is worth buying as a paperback that you can refer to for years to come and eventually pass on. Taking notes and highlighting key principles.

Written in 1936, this book will stand the test of time as building relationships is very simple at the core, you just have to understand the correct ways of doing so.

Grab a copy here.

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