Saturday, August 13, 2022

7 Signs You’ve Outgrown Your Friends (And What To Do About It)

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“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – Jim Rohn.

Your closest circle reflects who you are and who you will become. It’s so important that the people you spend the most time demonstrate who you want to be.

Outgrowing your friends can feel like the end of a chapter in your life and you might not know how to navigate it.

Keep reading to spot signs you have outgrown your friends and how to deal with it.

7 signs you’ve outgrown your friends

1 Conversations are forced

When you talk to certain people, you feel like you could talk for hours! The conversation never dries up and you don’t run out of things to say.

Notice if you are struggling to find conversation starters and don’t feel like you have anything in common with them anymore.

2 You don’t like who you are with them

I knew I’d outgrown my friends when I didn’t like who I was around them. I wasn’t me; I was just who they wanted me to be.

They didn’t bring out the best in me, in fact they bought out the worst in me and held me back.

If you have friends making you feel this way, they need to go!

3 You feel pressured to do what they want to do

When was the last time you did anything with your friends that was your idea, or that you wanted to do? I bet you can’t recall it.

Anytime you suggest what you can do, watch to see if you get shut down or dismissed.

4 They make you feel uncomfortable

Warning: this is the most heart-breaking sign you have outgrown your friends.

Look out for feelings of being on edge, not able to relax or just simply feeling uncomfortable. These are major tell-tale signs that you must move on!

5 You feel like they’re holding you back

Similarly, to not liking who you are with them, the feeling that they are holding you back is a big warning sign that these friends aren’t for you anymore.

If you feel like you can’t grow into who you’re meant to be, you have to do what’s best for you.

6 You hate spending time with them

If you’re not comfortable around then anymore, you don’t like who you are with them and they don’t bring out the best in you, I can guarantee you’re always dreading the “What you up to? Shall we hang out?” text.

Thankfully, whenever I was put on the spot, my mum would always come to the rescue, pulling out the “we’re going to your aunts” card, because if I said no, all hell broke loose.

7 Hanging out with them feels like an obligation

The times when you don’t have a valid excuse not to hang out, you’re not going to chill with them because you WANT to, you’re doing it because you HAVE to.

It makes your life that little bit easier not having to deal with the drama it brings.

8 Your priorities aren’t the same

If you love dogs and romcoms, the chances are, you probably aren’t going to hang out with people who love cats and Sci-Fi’s. I mean, you might! But if we’re talking about probability, it leans towards unlikely.

This applies to your priorities. If your priorities working out, eating clean, reading and your friends love to go out drinking late, getting takeaways all the time and binging Netflix, why try and fit that mould anymore? Don’t you see it’s just holding you back?

What to do if you have outgrown your friends

Disclaimer: If we are being completely transparent, I’m probably not the best person to answer this, but I’m going to give you my experience and alternative options you can do that are probably, most definitely better if you are braver than me 😳.

So, what did I do?

My masterful plan went something like this:

Step 1: Distance yourself

Step 2: Ghost them

I told you I wasn’t the best person to answer this.

via GIPHY

The reality is that I HATE drama and those people brought SO much drama into my life. I was too scared to have a mature conversation about it because I knew it wouldn’t be ‘mature’ or go down well. They wouldn’t understand.

How can you do it better?

Couple of options:

  1. Have the “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation that I was too scared to have.
  2. Change your identity, move to another continent, go completely off the grid. (I like this one.)
  3. Cut your losses and move on – DON’T dwell.

Final thoughts

Realising that you’ve outgrown your friends can feel odd.

You may experience some of the following doubts:

  • “Am I being pretentious?”
  • “Who do I think I am to think I’m better than them?”
  • “It’s probably easier to stay friends”

But if they don’t bring you peace or joy, please move on.

Imagine your life 1 year in the future from now, you’ve removed those toxic influences in your life, and you’ve surrounded yourself with people who make you become better. Hold onto that.

17 COMMENTS

  1. I really relate to this post. I have friends who I have a long history with, but we’ve grown apart over time. I don’t want to lose them completely, so I reach out occasionally just to say hi (but I’m not interested in getting together because we have different interests and priorities now). An occasional chat is fine to catch up, but I’m usually not in the mood to hang out. I try to prioritize friends and family who are on the same page as me, without cutting people off altogether. It can really be a balancing act!

  2. I don’t think outgrowing friends makes them toxic. When we grow, our likes and dislikes changes. In most occasions both parties fall apart. No one can explain what happened or how you lost touch. And you’re right, no need to feel guilty about it.

  3. An interesting topic. In that situation, I would ask myself: Do I bring them peace and joy? Do I deserve these friends? What I actually did to make our relationship better. If I did my best, and the situation is the same, than I should move on. In life, having one good friend is a real treasure.

  4. I can relate much with this post. When I moved to a new country, Ww gun having different values and interests and had to time to talk to each other and I think thats okay. There are people in our lives that come and go.

  5. This is a tough situation to be in. I think both sides feel when the friendship is detriorating by the signs you wrote about (forced conversations and such). Usually my ex friends and I drifted apart naturally and that way no bridges were burnt. It’s not awkward if I bump into them now and again, but I’ve been lucky in that these were mutal feelings in terms of ending our friendship. I dont know how Id be able to handle telling someone who wants to continue being friends that I dont want to be friends with them anymore!

  6. Outgrowing some of my best friends has been such a difficult process. I still love them but don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore and have created some healthy distance. I really feel all the things in your post. Thanks for sharing.

  7. I can totally relate to this. I think this happened with a lot of friends as we were getting married and having children. So many things changed in our lives and our friendships didn’t quite align any more.

  8. This is such an important topic. So many people are afraid of losing friends and they then put up with poor friendships that suck out energy from them. These are great tips for people to use in evaluating their friendships!

  9. Great post! As I have “grown/changed” over the years I have had to “shed” some friends. I do not like drama and that was the biggest factor in who I am friends with and who I am no longer friends with!

  10. I have a friend who I have had for a very long time. She rejoices when I succeed but also gets jealous. It makes me wary but I do know her heart is good. Friendship like any relationship is complicated sometimes

  11. Hihi….I like the ghosting part more, Amy! It’s the easier way out but no, it’s the worst way out. How about you simply talk with them about how you feel and you can move on from there?

  12. Thanks for this article, it was interesting to read! In my case, sometimes it’s so hard to break toxic relationships just because it’s become so usual, it lasts day by day until reaches some “boiling point”.

  13. Nice observations in this article. I often thought this is a process of “growing” apart. You simply don’t grow together, so you grow apart. It’s part of life’s journey. Sometimes, it’s also a matter of someone having to leave so that there’s room or you can see a friendship with someone you wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. This has often happened to me. I’m always amazed when it happens. Even if it’s someone my dog, Henry introduces me to or I meet on my own, it still fascinates me.

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